I Want to Travel, But I Don't Have Anyone to Go With: 7 Things That Keep Women From Booking

If you want to travel but have no one to go with, you are not alone. In a large 2024 survey, more than half of women who travel solo said they started because nobody was available to come along. For many women, the real obstacle sits underneath the logistics: years of putting everyone else's plans first and not quite trusting yourself to go. When you sort the real limits from the old stories, booking gets a lot easier.

Prefer to listen? I talk through all of this, plus the most common questions about Costa Rica, in a bonus episode of my podcast on Spotify.

Have you ever looked at pictures of somewhere beautiful and thought, "Oh, I would LOVE to go there!"

And then immediately started listing all the reasons you probably couldn't?

You don't have anyone to go with. You're nervous about traveling alone. You're wondering whether you'll fit in with a group of strangers. Or maybe you could afford the trip, but there's that little voice asking whether you should really spend that much money on yourself.

Some of those concerns are practical. Others are stories we've been carrying around for years.

And I think it's worth figuring out which is which.

Why So Many Women Put Their Own Adventures Last

I've spent years coaching women out of people-pleasing, and the same pattern shows up around travel again and again. Many of us learned early that our preferences came second. We picked the restaurant everyone else wanted. We planned vacations around the kids' schedules, a husband's hobbies, or the family reunion. We became experts at what everyone else enjoys.

Somewhere along the way, our own wants got quiet. Ask a woman like this where she'd go if she could go anywhere, and she often freezes. Or she knows, and immediately feels selfish for saying it.

That's what people-pleasing does over time. It trains you to wait for permission, wait for company, and wait until everyone else is taken care of.

There's a second piece too: self-trust. Traveling somewhere new asks you to trust that you can handle the unknown. If you've spent decades outsourcing your decisions, that trust may feel thin. The good news is that it grows with practice, and a trip can be some of the best practice there is.

7 Things That Keep Women From Booking the Trip

Not every hesitation is an excuse. Money, caregiving, and health limits are real. Here's how I'd look at each common obstacle, including what might be sitting underneath it.

1. "I don't have anyone to go with."

The friend who never commits. The partner who isn't interested in traveling. The schedules that never line up. Traveling without a partner can feel strange if you've never done it.

According to the 2024 Solo Female Travel Report from Solo Female Travelers, 53% of women who travel solo said they do it because they have nobody to travel with. Plenty of women traveling alone started exactly this way.

What I notice in coaching is how often a woman's adventure waits on someone else's calendar, sometimes for years. Underneath is often an old belief that an experience only counts, or is only allowed, if someone else wants it too. A question worth sitting with: if the right person never becomes available, does the trip simply never happen?

2. "What if I don't fit in?"

When women imagine joining a group trip, the questions come fast. What if everyone already knows each other? What if I'm the oldest, or the youngest? What if I'm the only introvert? What if I show up alone and nobody talks to me?

For lesbians, especially women who came out later in life, there's often another layer. Many of us spent decades in rooms where we were never fully ourselves. Walking into a group of women you don't know can bring up old feelings from the school cafeteria.

People-pleasers carry a specific version of this fear. We worry we'll have to perform: be likable, be easy, keep the conversation going, make sure everyone is having a good time. No wonder it sounds exhausting.

Here's what I want you to know:

• Most people on group trips come alone. In the same 2024 survey, 78% of women who had never traveled solo said a women-only small group trip would make them more likely to go. TrovaTrip, the company hosting my Costa Rica trip, says more than 80% of its travelers come solo. The woman next to you at the welcome dinner is probably just as nervous.
• You don't have to manage anyone's experience. A hosted trip has a host and a guide. Your only job is to show up as yourself.
• Introverts are welcome. You can skip an activity, read on the balcony, or eat breakfast in quiet. Taking space is allowed.

One woman in my community told me she has made friends through our work who feel close even though they live miles away. Friendships like that start with someone showing up before she feels ready. The fear of not fitting in is your nervous system protecting you from rejection. It deserves compassion. It just shouldn't get the final vote.

3. "I'm nervous about traveling somewhere unfamiliar."

That makes sense. No destination is risk-free, so check travel advisories, local laws, and travel insurance before any trip. I cover research for LGBTQ+ travelers in lesbian travel safety and freedom.

Underneath, this is often a self-trust question: will I cope if something goes sideways? A planned itinerary and a local guide remove a lot of unknowns, giving you room to build that trust one day at a time.

4. "That's a lot of money to spend on myself."

Separate two very different things. The first is a genuine financial limit. If a trip would put your rent at risk or send you into debt, waiting is wise. Nobody should jeopardize their stability for a vacation.

The second is guilt about spending on your own joy. Many women who can comfortably afford a trip still struggle to spend money on something purely for themselves. They'll pay for a child's camp without blinking and agonize over their own week away.

Ask yourself honestly: is the barrier the money, or is it permission? If it's permission, that usually traces back to old beliefs about who deserves good things.

5. "I can't just leave my responsibilities."

Work. Kids. Aging parents. Pets. The invisible tasks nobody else even knows you do.

Some responsibilities truly can't be rearranged, and I respect that. Other times, the belief that everything will fall apart without you has never actually been tested. People-pleasers often carry more than their share because they've never asked anyone else to pick it up. Asking for help is a boundary skill too, and my post on setting boundaries without guilt can help.

6. "What if I can't keep up?"

Fitness, body confidence, and age all live here. Read the itinerary, check the activity level, notice what's optional, and ask the host your questions. Then choose a trip that fits your body today. You get to say "I'll sit this one out" without apologizing.

7. "Maybe someday, when the timing is better."

There's a real difference between waiting on purpose and postponing forever. Waiting on purpose sounds like, "I'm saving for this trip, and I'll book in the spring." Postponing sounds like, "Someday, when things calm down." Things rarely calm down on their own.

"Someday" is a comfortable place to park a desire because uncertainty feels uncomfortable. Booking means committing. Committing might mean disappointing someone, or admitting out loud that you want something. My post on why saying no feels so scary explains what your nervous system is doing in that moment.

How to Tell a Real Limit From an Old Story

When you catch yourself talking yourself out of a trip, try these questions:

• If this obstacle disappeared tomorrow, would I book? If not, something else is underneath.
• Is this a fact or a prediction? "I can't afford it" is different from "I'd feel guilty spending it."
• Whose voice is this? Sometimes the reason sounds a lot like a parent, a former spouse, or a church you grew up in.
• What would I want if nobody else's preferences mattered for a minute?
• What's one small step I could take this week, like asking a question or joining a list?

Every honest answer you act on builds self-trust, the same muscle that helps you hold a boundary or speak up at work.

What If You Didn't Have to Figure It All Out Alone?

This is where group travel becomes a practical option. Someone else handles the planning, and you arrive knowing where you're sleeping and who will meet you.

That's exactly why I created my first international retreat, Wonder & Wander: Costa Rica, a lesbian group travel experience for the Liberated Lesbian community. From April 13 to 19, 2027, a small group of us will travel from San José to the rainforest around Arenal Volcano, then finish on the Pacific coast in Jacó.

• You can come without knowing anyone. Most group travelers arrive solo, and we start with a welcome dinner to meet each other.
• The logistics are handled. Hotels, a local guide for the whole trip, in-country transfers, and breakfast every morning are included.
• The days have adventure and rest. Think a volcano hike, La Fortuna Waterfall, hot springs, and sea kayaking, with optional ziplining, snorkeling, and Manuel Antonio National Park.
• Roommates are arranged. TrovaTrip pairs solo travelers with a roommate by default, and a private room is available as an add-on.

It's an active trip, so please review the full itinerary and activity details before you book, and ask me anything. Current pricing and booking details are on my retreats page, where you can also join the retreats list if you're not ready yet. Want to hear it from me first? Listen to the bonus episode.

When the Hesitation Is About More Than Travel

Sometimes a woman works through every practical concern and still can't press the button. That's the work I do with women in private coaching. If the fear feels older than you can explain, a RIM session can help you work with the memories underneath it. Helping women choose themselves, in big and small ways, is the heart of my work.

Where Would You Go?

If you had the money, the time, and someone to go with, where would you go?

And if the only thing missing is someone to go with, what possibilities might you be overlooking?

If you're still deciding whether time away is worth it, start with why women need to travel without spouses and kids. If safety is your biggest question, read lesbian travel safety and freedom.

Sources

• Solo Female Travelers. (2024). 2024 Solo Female Travel Report.
• TrovaTrip. Is TrovaTrip Worth It?
• TrovaTrip Help Center. What if I'm traveling by myself?

About Annie M. Henderson

Annie is a life coach, five-time author, podcast host of The Liberated Lesbian Lounge, and Expert Facilitator in RIM. She holds a BA in Psychology from Austin College and master's degrees in Education, School Counseling, and Professional Counseling. She spent 15 years in public education as a teacher and school counselor and was previously a Licensed Professional Counselor. She helps women break free from people-pleasing and build boundaries that hold, and shares this work with 118K+ followers on TikTok.

Annie is also the author of Later in Life Lesbian, Women with ADHD, Boundaries in Ink, The Liberation Year, and The Liberation Year Journal. Find her books on Amazon.